Day 47 spent last night in York and could not sleep on the soft mattress so am knackered now. Had a gorgeous meal and few drinks with Chris and Amy, had enough red meat to last a week.

Day 46 amazing sleep!! 8 and a half hours , 50 mins of deep. Sets me up nicely for a couple of days in York with Chris and Amy.  Dont like admitting Lisa is right but i was too busy for an afternoon nap yesterday will probably helped with my nights sleep. Starting to really enjoy not working, just need to win a couple of million quid so i can retire!! Any ideas???

Day 45 looks like 4 hours through the night and a couple of hours late afternoon is how my sleep is going to be for now. Woke up feeling good again, looking forward to a night in York tomorrow night (assuming Lisa's back improves) . Seriously feeling positive :-)

Day 44 only 4 hours sleep so will need an afternoon nap regardless of what the boss says!!  feel good today, signed on at dole hole, might as well get 92 quid a week for nothing. I can see my shape is changing which I am putting down to using the weights every day. Its strange how the ache in the shoulders when doing weights feels like you are achieving something but the ache in my legs when walking puts me off doing it.

Day 43 slept really well, (a bottle of Peach wine helped!!). Got a huge pang of anxiety when discussing Karaoke at Butlins, I know its all friends but i still cant do it.  Gonna walk over to the Railway for lunch. At least i get rewarded for a walk with a beer :-)

Day 42 another shit sleep but I do like an afternoon nap so not fussed while i am not working. Got to get out of the house a bit more, too easily falling back into bad habits.  No plans for bank holiday weekend at all, might just have a drink at home.

Day 41 not a great sleep but feel alot better than yesterday. Looking after Betsy today so will be asleep by 5 :-)  Butlins only 3 weeks away, really looking forward to it, not seen any of the gang since May.

Day 40 only 5 hours sleep!  today is a right off before it starts, head is absolutely pounding.

Day 39  awful nights sleep, got up at 7.30am so i can treat myself to an afternoon nap. Not done a proper walk for a few days now because of the pain in my knee so did 2 sets of weights yesterday. Emotionally I am very up and down, i can be up one minute then snapping and moody the next so am doing a daily guided meditation, it helped when i did this before.

Day 38 slept in! 9 hours sleep, feel like a million dollars today.  Enjoyed doing weights yesterday, got to keep it up until i can do a decent walk again. Watching last ever episode of Dalziel and Pascoe now then gonna start on Jonathan Creek.  Really wish i could retire, going back to work will be really hard.

Day 37  8 hours sleep, struggling with my knee again so will be doing weights instead of walking. Weight is slowly coming off, 73 days until the cruise for Lisa's 50th, I am determined to not let me weight affect what we can and cant do.

Day 36  great sleep, feel good today, need to keep an eye on Lisa though, she always struggles with anniversaries of passings. Bought a jigsaw yesterday with the intention of chipping away at it over a few days, epic fail started it and finished it in an afternoon!

Day 35 slept ok, went to Bennetts for a gorgeous breakfast. Trying to stay positive but yesterday wasnt the best, struggled to settle with Lisa's family so isolated myself a bit.

Day 34 Great sleep, feel good (except my knees) . Got a good telling off from a friend about how negative i am on myself, maybe i need more of that. Hopefully being more positive will start a positive cycle of events. 

Day 33 Another 8 hours sleep but woke up feeling like i had 10 pints! forced myself out for a walk which i need to do more often, dont feel cracking now so might watch a film this aft.

Day 32 8 hours sleep!! feel like a different person today.  Was a rough day yesterday, i have very few real friends and they all have their own priorities in life. Felt very lonely last night. I am a good listener to advice but not good at taking it, even though i know it will be good for me.  Yep one month into new life and i am still a lazy and not making things happen!

Day 31 awful sleep, back is killing me, Lisa needed me to search the house for a moth! Then at 4am Jaffa was sick on the bed! Legs still getting better by the minute.

Day 30 signed on at the dole office, i have paid enough in so i am going to take out as much as I can. Registered with another agency and had a good chat with the interim specialist, lots of short to mid term opportunities so not stressing as much as i was. Positive vibes all round today :-)

Day 29 slept on sofa again, unbelievable how much my legs and feet have improved (even though i didnt sleep well) . Up by 8am watched Corrie and then went for a nice walk.  Its only 15 degrees but feels alot warmer.  Feel good an positive again.

Day 28  slept on sofa so i could keep my legs up, right leg looks alot better already.

Off furniture shopping later.

Day 27 poor sleep again, got up about 6 ish and laid on sofa, dropped off about 8 for a couple of hours. A bit emotional today, Wednesday will be 17 years since our kid passed and he has been appearing in alot of dreams recently.

Hopefully I will manage a walk this afternoon.

Gonna look for a temporary job for last couple of weeks of September and most of October, just to top up the pot so we can have a nice holiday for our wedding anniversary.

Day 26 day is going to be a write off, didnt get to sleep until 5am!! and only got 3 hours. I just fell asleep on the loo and am falling asleep at my desk! gonna do my morning stuff then have a sleep,  will be all refreshed for a nice meal out later. I picked somewhere new!! not like me at all.

No sleep massively impacts me mentally too, close to tears for no reason!!!

Day 25  Got back from yesterdays walk (got furthest yet without stopping and continued on further than i have been before) and couldnt move for the rest of the day, literally zero energy. Feel a bit better this morning.  Mad heat got to me in the evening so had a nap.

Day 24 Another 8.5 hours sleep but very broken and no deep sleep. still struggling to lose weight, it just isnt coming off me like it did last time. Also worried about Lisa, she is really struggling mentally and physically but i am clueless as to how to help!.   

Off for a walk now, see if I can get further than Monday.

Day 23 Eight and a half hours sleep, 43 mins of which was deep sleep! thats as good as it ever gets for me. Legs are aching after yesterdays walk so might not go out today but will definitely be doing plenty of manual work on the downstairs bedroom. Feeling positive but starting to get a bit bored so might look at doing something part time for a few months, I just dont fancy sitting in an office 9 to 5 again.

Day 22 I have always looked for the easy option, always expect something to happen but very rarely make it happen. I did the intro to the creative writing course and was shocked there was so many hours! I thought i could do the course in a couple of days, write my book by the weekend and be on Sunday Brunch by Christmas with my best seller that is going to be made into a film!! I want everything given to me!! 

Today I try to change that mindset, went for a walk first thing, walked furthest I have been so far, i have to do that everyday otherwise I may as well be working! Gonna do first module of the course and then finish sorting the downstairs bedroom.  

There is no magic wand!! 

Day 21 another good sleep, maybe alcohol is the answer!!  doing nothing today and not drinking again until we go to Butlins with the gang.

Day 20 good nights sleep, probably down to an afternoon of manual labour sorting out the understairs and downstairs bedroom, muscles are a bit achy today!  Meeting some of the old team today, should be a good afternoon/evening/night. Only starting venue planned, not a clue from there which is not like me, tomorrows blog might be a bit late :-)

Its 9pm, i am home and hammered!! great to see Nathan, Rob, Melanie and Kirby, shame nobody else could make it.

Day 19 got to bed late again (Watching Dalziel and Pascoe filmed at Reighton Sands) was up for 10 though.  Gonna start on the understairs storage today. Mentally struggling to leave the house on my own but will try and force myself out later.

Day 18 not in bed by midnight and not up for 10 but did have a good nights sleep, feeling really refreshed and positive for a change, off out for lunch again, Lisa's treat. Started my writing course too, a lot more work than I expected.

Day 17 decent sleep for a change, feel alot more alert today, tube still sore so not risking a walk but there is plenty to do around the house which will get the blood pumping. 

Day 16 as expected didnt sleep well, still uncomfortable after my tube change and had really bad stomach pains too, all i ate was an omelette and a jacket potato so no idea what caused it.  Dont feel great today.

Day 15  words words words, are now words on a screen!  i am not sticking to anything, what is it gonna take? a heart attack to make me realise how bad my health is!!  Grow up and sort your life out you prick!!!!!!!!! sat in garden and fell asleep for 3 hours so wont sleep tonight.

Day 14 had a really good day yesterday, Lisas Ibiza girls were so lovely, first time i have really spoken to Lisa A and she was absolutely lovely. Drank too much and ate too much so wasnt in bed until 2 ish and not up until after 11. Sensible lazy day then back on it tomorrow.

Day 13 awful bloody sleep again, very painful when laying on my tube!! Gonna have a snooze this afternoon then off to a party at a friends tonight, not looking forward to it, hate small talk but have got 2 bottles of WA and might have a livener before we set off.

Day 12 nearly 6 hours of sleep (29 mins deep sleep) which is ok but it was very broken. Still very sore after hospital procedure yesterday but not as bad as last time so will be back on track tomorrow.

The first two weeks have not gone as well as I hoped and I dont want to end up with my redundancy just disappearing so i have set a new target, if i have not lost at least a stone by end of August or be able to do a full walk of the village without getting out of breath then i will start putting myself forward for temp jobs. 

Day 11 Shit sleep again, bladder not draining well so up alot, thankfully at hospital this morning for my quarterly change (went ok, but will be keeping still as i can for 24 hours). Hopefully will get a good nights sleep and back on track tomorrow. Lisa is already concerned about money and doesn't think I should take as long off work so I am going to start looking and start applying for jobs I really want, come January / February I will probably be working for Stowey picking up dogshit because nobody else will employ me!!

Got my final wageslip today, I love paying 7k to the taxman!

Lisa is on a work night again, I hate being on my own, makes me emotional for some weird reason.

Day 10 Only got 2.5 hours sleep! just couldnt get comfy. So my plans for today have changed slightly, gonna get the car cleaned and do a bit of shopping then have a snooze, hopefully will feel better afterwards so will go for a walk. Bought myself an online creative writing course, "Complete creative writing Megacourse - Beginner to Expert"!! Gonna write the book thats been in my head for years.

Day 9 slept alot better, feel positive gonna walk to the pub for lunch. Starting to worry about my hospital appointment on Thursday but I am sure it will be fine. Didnt walk to the pub and had the biggest hotdog known to man!! Deffo need a good walk tomorrow.

Shared the link to this blog with close friends and ex work colleagues because i may need a boot up the arse at some point.

Day 8  slept in!! only half an hour but went straight out for my walk. Felt slightly easier and now feel really good. A bit disappointed to only lose 5 pounds week one but we did have a night away with food and cocktails and had an all you can eat birthday party and then a takeaway last night. Plenty of room for improvement.

Day 7 definitely need to sort my sleep out, am on the back foot already, went to bed late, didnt sleep well and got up late. Hopefully will have a really lazy day and back at it tomorrow. I do want weekends to feel like weekends so when I go back to work its not as big of a shock.

Day 6 slept better even after an early evening nap.  Tonight should be interesting, a 28 stone man going to an all you can eat buffet!! (Betsys choice!) I will be paranoid that everyone is looking at me and thinking I go there everyday.  I would definitely rather stay home and watch the darts but that wouldn't go down very well . 

Didnt feel paranoid at all once I got there, food was ok, i did it more than I should but didn't go mad.

Day 5 slept ok considering I was in a hotel bed. Had full english breakfast but it was well cooked and not greasy, did a fair bit of exercise carrying the suitcase up and down stairs so dont feel too guilty. Had a look at the cruise ship (Lisa is obsessed) then went long way home via Hebden Bridge, had a lovely lunch and walk around. Had a couple of hours snooze when i got home and am now feeling great and looking forward to the weekend. Out for Betsys birthday tomorrow so will need to be good through the day.

Day 4 Decent 7 hours of sleep, still took a while to drop off and woke up alot. Lots of chores to do this morning then off for a night in Liverpool and a swanky rooftop meal, will probably have a few cocktails too. (cant have no life at all!!).  Meal at Panoramic34 was exceptional, got to be in the top 5 meals ever. Did eat too much and had some lovely cocktails but didnt go mad.

Day 3 another bad nights sleep, was falling asleep downstairs so went to bed at 9 but couldnt get back to sleep. Woke up more positive and realise I need to do as many of my daily tasks as possible early, once I have had my evening meal and sat on sofa i dont want to move. (yes I know that needs to change too), hit target for the day. Nice group chat with me old team too, most are doing well and already sorted with new jobs which is good. Told them about this blog too but I doubt anyone will come looking for it.

Day 2 phone not charged so no alarm, only just hit my 10am deadline, not slept great but still determined. Really struggled for energy and knees hurt from walking Monday (making excuses already!!)  didnt hit my target for the day.